Stupid Things People Say

I originally posted this on a board I frequent but it seems appropriate for a blog post too.

Ok, since I am in a mood today I am just going to say the stuff that has been bugging me. I know everyone means well and I do appreciate all the posts and thoughts shared but sometimes, they come off wrong to me. Part of it is due to the written word and part of it is just me being overly sensitive but I have to rant about it anyway.

I am tired of people asking "How are you?" or "How are you feeling" -- how am I supposed to answer this?? Am I "ok"? No not really. Am I "fine"? No again. I can pretend that I feel that way and sometimes I think I feel that way but deep down I know differently. Also, the pain lessens and becomes easier to deal with but it really never goes away.

Another question that I get a lot is "What can I do for you?" or "Is there anything I can do?" or "Let me know if I can do anything" -- Yes. Bring the baby back again and give me a healthy, happy pregnancy. I get the well meaning behind it but I am not going to ask for the impossible nor I am going to ask for anything else that might be comforting because then it loses the meaning behind it.

Please do not give me the statistics on how frequent it happens or who in your life it has also happened to. I don't want to hear that you "understand" what I am going through because even if it has happened to you or someone you know -- everyone grieves differently and is affected in different ways. Sharing the stories of what happened and how one dealt with everything is helpful but it is also a very personal conversation.

Like I said -- I am in a mood and I am out of chocolate and need to eat lunch. If you really want to know what you can do, I suggest reading some of these helpful articles:

Miscarriage or Pregnancy Loss Comfort
Coping with Pregnancy Loss
What Not To Say - Miscarriage
Miscarriage - What Not To Say

~Monica~