It still hurts

I feel fine most of the time about the miscarriage. At least, that is what I think but I have also been trying to stay busy to keep my mind off of things too. There are times it hits me and a wave of sadness comes over me. I almost start crying but usually hold it in because there are people around me.

I went shopping with a friend who is pregnant which doesn't bother me at all but we we stepped into the maternity store, I almost lost it and she promptly saw my reaction and directed me out of the store. She is a good friend.

I went to this home party and I didn't know most of the people there when the hostess announces she is pregnant at 8 weeks. I wanted to be happy for her. I really did. I think I am actually but the feeling of sadness is too overwhelming. I just pray that the same thing doesn't happen to her but at the same time I am angry, jealous or whatever. So I just sat there and tried to put on a happy face. I don't know how well I faked it since there were so many other people there to be joyful for me.

I watched an old episode of Sex and the City where Charolette lost her baby and I completely fell apart. I was at home and it was very late at night so I am not surprised this happened. Everyone needs a good cry.

~Monica~

More Chocolate & Doctor's Visit

Today was my last doctor's visit as she just wanted to do a final check to make sure everything was healing well and nothing unusual was happening. It was fine and nothing out of the ordinary so we are okay to have sex again (yipeee!) and we can start trying in a few months. She wants a few normal cycles to get my uterus nice and healthy and fit again. She also was okay with an early ultrasound (between 6-8 weeks) to ease my mind and to make sure everything is going well. That was the hardest part about this pregnancy -- the long wait to find out anything "official". They normally won't do anything unless something is concerning so I am glad she will let us do an U/S for our peace of mind.

Another suprise today was a package in the mail with some very interesting chocolate! A very dear and thoughtful friend sent them along to me and Scharffen Berger was happy to oblige. I will have to post once I have tried them all but I started with the lowest percentage of cocoa which was 68%. The most I normally can tolerate is around 60% but this was not as bitter as I anticipated. It wasn't as smooth and silky as the Lindt's I have tried but it was still very good. Even Davin who doesn't like much chocolate (probably because of the milk usually in them) stole a few bites from me. It figures he would have expensive tastes just like his mommy!

~Monica~